Jon: Hey John
John: Hey Jon
Jon: I’m just about to go and watch this really cool movie in which a dog is able to shot acid out his nose. It’s really phat man. Wanna join me?
John: Can't write now cause I'm in the middle of using my new BioOptic Organized Knowledge devise. (Book)
Jon: Wow. Sounds like an object out of the 21st century. What is it and what does it do?
John: It's this devise that holds lots of bits of information and is triggered by inserting your imagination into its hard drive. It's like a super DVD player.
Jon: Cool. What are you gazing into right now?
John: its called Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth
Jon: Sounds like Sci-Fi. Does it have lots of cool aliens who try to kill humans?
John: Actually it has a lot of people who try to kill a group of alien people.
Jon: Alien People?
John: All an alien is a person not living in his or her native land.
Jon: Hmmm, Kinna like if I snuck into Canada to live there.
John: Something like that. The aliens are these religious folk called the Jews. It tells about their friendship or lack of friendship with God, who is the author of the book.
Jon: God? (Sigh) I thought it was something exciting. We hear those stories in church. It bores me so much I'd rather study math and Eat Onions and liver smothered with mud that a skunk has rolled around in.
John: Would it be more exciting if it was about a guy who could outrun a team of horses, decide when it would rain next upon the land and who rode away into the sky in a chariot made of fire?
Jon: Well Yeah. That's not boring it can't be in that instruction book can it?
John: Heck Yeah. The dude’s name was Elijah. There's also this guy who takes a three day submarine ride when he's swallowed by a big fish and three guys who do the electric slide inside a roaring furnace. Their is a man who takes a nap with wild man eating lions and a guy who has a WWF wrestling match with an Angel.. There's a guy who turns his walking stick into a snake, a donkey who whines and complains to his rider about him not treating him right and a war general who knocks down the walls of an enemy city by walking around the city blowing a bunch of horns Oahu and then there's Sampson who was kinna like Arnold Swarzenegger, and could take out 1000 bad guys with just a donkey bone. Not to mention David, who being weak and puny, surprised a towering Giant, which threaten his town with utter destruction, when he flung a tiny rock at his head and killed him..
Jon: Why was the Giant surprised?
John: The thought had never entered his head before.
Jon: This thought had never entered my head before. That religion might not be boring. Are you tricking me? This is religious?
John: You believe in God right?
Jon: Well yeah. Didn't you say he was the author?
John: Yeah, You know the same one who made you and I and all people plus all the animals birds and fish. The same one who designed the tall trees, Huge Mountains, Gigantic Ocean, the Grand Canyon, the blazing ball of brightness we call the sun, the moon, the stars that shine down on us in the night sky. The same one who makes it snow, rain, hail and can control and stop tornadoes, earthquakes and floods. The same one who holds the universe in the palm of his hands and who holds your life in there with it.
Jon: Gee. I never really looked at it that way before. That all sounds so cool. Too cool to be true. I know that Jesus plays an important role in this whole thing. Does Jesus do anything exciting besides tell people to be nice to one another?
John: Don’t you know his story?
Jon you hear it every Easter and Christmas. It gets old and boring after awhile.
John: That's probably because your either hearing it told by someone who can't tell stories or because you’re not really paying attention. An angel tells a teenage girl that she's gonna have a child without the help of another human being and that her child is gonna be God, The same one who created the universe.. If someone asked Him if He was born in a barn He could say yes. And the barn probably didn't smell like roses either. Angels fly out and about telling people where to go and what to do. A bunch of dirty shepherds and rich kings show up at his door steps, to worship him. A jealous king sends an army to track down and kill Him.. His family flees to Egypt and leaves Egypt a few years later after an Angel directs His foster dad where to go. He starts his mission 30 years later when His cousin, who probably looks like someone out of a nut house and whose diet is honey on insects, stands around and starts shouting at people and what they can do not to become a smoldering piece of charcoal when they stand in the presence of His cousin someday, who at that time will be like a blazing fire. Boring so far?
Jon: Aw no.
John: Didn't think so. After not eating for 40 days he gets harassed by Satan. The prince of demons and of evil. . He has a bunch of groupies following him around wanting to always touch him, cause when you even just touch his cloths with your little finger you get instantly healed of whatever disease or illness you might have. He hires a bunch of dunderheads as his representitives for when he's gone away back into heaven. See God had a sense of humor and got people who could eventually provide leadership as well as comic relief. He evenly distributed a few pieces of fish and breed to 5000 people with a bunch of leftovers, took a stroll out on a lake (with out a boat) and told quite a few dead people to come back to life. Boring?
(Jon shakes his head no)
He takes on the establishment, ticks them off by never falling for their tricks, by hanging out with the outcasts of the society and by curing sick people and casting out demons on a day when your not supposed to, as if the average person could. One of His boys betrays Him into his enemy’s hands. His best friend and leader of his gang denies even knowing Him and the rest of His group just runs away when lots of men carrying heavy pointed swords shows up to take Jesus away. . He gets beat to a bloody pulp, tortured beyond the realm of intense pain, humiliated, and mocked and gets killed by having His body nailed to a tree. NAILED. Can you imagine that? And I cry when I get a splinter. Three days latter He's walking around like nothing happen.. He shows His wounds where they nailed Him to His bunch of "brave" followers, who were hiding out like scared little children, hoping the authorities wouldn't find them. He had dinner with them, forgave them, set them back up of being in charge of spreading his church through the whole world, and then floated up to heaven, promising to come back down again someday bringing all of heaven with Him. Boring still?
Jon: Wow. I guess I should really have a second look.
John: Yeah you should. I left out so much. Not only will it entertain with cool stories but it will change your life with some Basic Instructions before (you) leave earth..
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