"Look you Jackal; ya spilled coffee on me shirt dere mate."
"Stop showing your dis-stain, and deal the cads, replied Hyena, Laughing at Jack's misfortune."
"You know is true", added in Dingo, “that Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion." Three members of the Wild Animal Bunch Baddies (WABB), were relaxing after a day of stealing, brutalizing, and terrorizing the countryside. They prided themselves on how many different varieties of wimpy animals they could beat up and abuse. And what a day it had been. They had driven a dray of squirrels nuts, and had left a knot of toads tied to a post in the upcoming path of a crash of scared rhinos running away from the fictisious Boggy Rhino Hunter. They had awoke a sloth of sleeping bears and challenged them to a game of B Ball and because they were small little Koala's they had the (dis) honor of being the Ball. They even ran over a family of Raccoon's with their big monster 2 x 4 truck. It was actually an accident, but they didn’t care.
“Let me have some of those stolen Candy Bars we got from that heard of dear, asked Jackal.“
“Sorry, what you say? I may be hard o hearing.?, Dingo muttered. Ohhh, DEAR. yes. Did the Dear lose any dough?
“ Yeah, two Bucks“, replied Hyena laughing. Dingo handed Jackal a piece of the Hot Chocolate.
“This goes well, along with our prized trophy”, Dingo told all, as they high fived each other. Their main target of the day was to cause havoc to a troop o Kangaroo's from ‘Josh's Home for Orphan Kangaroo's/, out for a Picnic in ‘Noah's Friendly Happy Sunny Animal Park‘. But of course Josh's Royal Kangaroo Shepherd Warriors were keeping eye of the picnicking Kangaroo's, thus keeping them safe. They always gave a serious whooping to any member of WABB that came within 100 feet of any Kangaroo. One Kangaroo Shepherd Warrior named Dave was pretty good with a sling shot and had killed several WABB members. No, there only hope was that some disobedient Kangaroo would wonder away from the herd. And that one day, One did. Young Joey on a dare from some of his friends decided to sneak down and catch a drift of hogs break dancing at the other end of The park. Being told 2001 times to stay with the Mob of Kangaroo's, was irritating and annoying. What did the Shepherd's know? Plenty, Seeing that he was tied up in the WABB lair, while his 99 kangaroo Brothers and Sisters were safe at the Kangaroo safe house. Sigh.
Joey was sad and scared, tied in a corner, in guilt and ropes, awaiting his fate. He was to boiled alive in Hot Jell-O an then to be made into a beach ball for the WABB's annual Beach Party. Right now they had him locked in an iron clad lockbox. Joey expressed his strong belief, before he was locked up that Josh would come for him.
"Come on," cried Jackal, "You think Josh has room, for disobient Kangaroo's?"
"Yeah," snorted Hyena", He has so many more, he's not going to care if he's missing just one Lost Kangaroo."
"Face it", snorted Dingo", you shouldn't have left the Troop. You have no hope." Joey started wailing aloud for Josh. " Come on Mate, your Josh can't hear you and if he did he wouldn't care. He wouldn't be listening."
After an hour of telling Joey how much Josh had better things to do then waste time trying to find a disobedient, disrespectable, annoying little Kangaroo, soon to be a WABB Barbeque, Joey slipped into the discomfort of Despair. He began to Sulk. The WABB Three, continued to play their rousing game of Cards (cads).
DING DONG
"What's dat? Inquired Dingo
"Open de door nod find out", snarled Jackal. Dingo went to the door to find a Pizza Delivery Lion at the door.
"Someone order a Pizza?"
"Anyone order a Pizza" asked Dingo to the Boys.
"I don't think so, inquired Jackal. "Don’t you know who’s hideout this is? This guy must have fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Get Lost".
"I did get lost hiking up this mountain to deliver this pizza to ya. Look I'm not lying; here is ye Roar Pizza, from the Pizza House of Roar, that is. Pay up. Come on.
"I'm hungry," Replied Hyena. "I mean what's Cad's without Pizza."
"Good Point", said Jackal. Dingo opened the box, " I don’t think this goes well with coffee though, but lets ave a look before we begin to dish out cash“ . In the box were some Blueberry Cream Pies. "Aaaaawas dis? Inquired Dingo?.
"It's your piece of the pie," roared Lion as he picked up the pie and shoved it in his face. With the speed of the wind two other pies were up and shoved in Jackal's and Hyenias face. Pizza Lion leaped over to where Joey was and unlocked the Iron Clad Lock Box with a special Key he got from the Monk back at the Home base. It could unlock anything. He put it back in his uniform and zipped it up. It was the Monk’s Key and wanted to make sure he didn’t lose it.
"Huh?" Asked Joey as the lid popped off from his secure prison. Joey was as scared as if he had just seen a fierce big Lion. Well maybe that’s because he had. Pizza Lion looked a him and said,
"Be not afraid. Remember Joey, Josh does not forget about his lost Kangaroo's." After a few seconds when Joey calmed down realizing that the Lion was not going to eat him, but was there to rescue him, he blurted out.
"But he has 99 other Kangaroo's." Pizza Lion reached into his uniform, took out a new pie and throw it at Dingo who was starting to raze his head.
"99 Kangaroo's is too few and even one is too many to be lost. Let’s go". Pizza Lion grabbed Joey and leaped towards the door pulling two Pies and throwing them at the two wombat's coming in the door, as it opened. Pizza Lion and Joey leaped with full force onto a toboggan knocking several WABB’s down, and sped off down the hill. The WABB’s headquarters happens to be on a very tall mountain, as we may have mentioned, thus adding nothing to this story except a reason to have a cool chase scene. If it ever gets made into a picture it will look nice. Anyway.....
“How did you know....” Joey began to question?
“All Josh’s Kangaroo’s words, either spoken or unspoken is picked up by our Cat Scan. Your brain wave’s are linked by a special ultra sound that only our cat scan can pick up. Josh usually then sends out one of his agents out on a rescue mission.” Woooossssssssssshhhhhhhhh. Went a huge snowball past their heads. Many WABB members were in hot pursuit, on their highly slick powered sleds, bought on sale at the ‘Evil Villain's Warehouse’ warehouse sale.
“Why did you risk your life to save mine?’ Joey wanted to know. Pizza Lion reached out his paw and smacked 3 dingo’s on a sled that pulled up next to him.
“I love whom ever my master Josh puts in my path. You don’t realize how much Josh Loves you and wants you in his home for Kangaroo’s. I mean your gonna be adopted and you need to be there for that. No Kangaroo’s stay orphaned for ever.” Two teams of Hyena's were on either side of Pizza Lion and Joey. They threw their snowballs at them, as PL jumped in the air just at the point where they fired. The snowballs went past each other knocking all the Hyenas off their sleds. It was not a laughing matter for them.
“Who would adopt me?”
“Josh of course.” All Kangaroo’s become his Children.” Little Joey could hardly believe his little big ears. Adopted? By the Grand Kangaroo Shepherd Warrior himself. The string of negative restraints put on by Hyena, Dingo, & Jackal were unwoven. At that minute a Jackal leaped on their sled. He clobbered Lion in the face with a snowball. He almost fell off the sled but held on by his tail. The Jackal turned around to face Joey, only to get Joey’s feet shoved in his face. He got sent out in front of the sled only to have the sled run him over. .
“Wow”, roared Lion.
“I’ve got a spring that was just put into my step. “ They turned a corner, only to have a cete of badgers crash into a tree. Snowballs continued to whiz past their heads.
“Joey, stir while I pound these weasels.” He then pounded 4 weasels with 2 snowballs, sending them over a cliff. “Time is running out, The deadline for us reaching the end needs to happen soon.” Lion uttered this as Joey turned a corner and WOOOOOOOOOOOOO. A Cliff. Lion grabbed Joey, reached into his Pizza uniform took out something and swung it into the cliff. Sleds with angry WABB’s stopped just short of the cliff and stared down at them.
“What is that”, Joey wanted to know.
“It’s what is known as a Cliff Hanger.”
Joey has learned that Josh loves him so much he considers 99 Kangaroo’s too few, and one to many to lose. He loves him so much he is going to make Joey his son. He will rescue his little son and his faithful Lion. You now know why, find out HOW, possibly next time
Happy Christian: "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Isn't God Great!" See how much he cares for his lost sheep."
Enlighten Pagan: It was a kangaroo, but the story does accuartely potray the heroic and nice idea that some super hero shepherd will come by and kick the nasty wolf out of our nice little green pastures. Come on. If you were enlightened in the ways of truth such as myself you would see how silly it is to believe in some mysterious savior that zaps all our troubles away.
Happy Christian: WHAT? You don't believe in God. Man, how can you explain simple things like the parting of the red sea?
Smug Enlighten Pagan: Well I'm glad that you asked me to open his eyes to the "realities" of the miracles of the Bible. It can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across."
Happy Christian: As my Jewish Neighbor Mrs. Finklestein used to say, "You were There?" Okay, say that's true. That is even more amazing and God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in 10 inches of water!"
Snubed Enlighten Pagan: Think you know everything huh?. Destroy my arguments will You? It just so happens that this group of scientists that I hang out with can do as many miraculous things, as his so called God. We can clone people, thus making our own people. So even if there is God, We don't need em.
Happy Christian: How about this? Why don't you have a man making contest like God did back in the old days with Adam."
Puffy Enlighten Pagan: "Sure, no problem"
(EL bends down and grabs himself a handful of dirt.)
Happy Christian: "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!"
(Later-while fishing in a boat)
Whiny Enlighten Pagan: Lousy Smart Alec Christian. Hey I think I got a bite.
(The Loch Ness Monster suddenly pops up and in one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air then opened its mouth to swallow both)
Scared Enlighten Pagan: "Oh, my God! Help me!"
(At once, the ferocious attack scene freeze's in place EP is hanging in mid-air)
GOD: (booming voice coming down from the clouds)
"I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
Converted Enlighted Pagan: "Come on God, give me a break Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"
(The Scene unfreezes, EL is heading down towards his mouth)
Pleding Enlighten Pagan: "Oh God, please let the Loch Ness Monster come to believe in you also.
God: "So be it."
(The Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says)
Loch Ness Monster: "Lord, bless this food you have so graciously provided.... "
(EP is eaten. The Monster goes back down under the Lake. In the depth of the Monster)
God: So now that I've got your attention, you little lost sheep, want to get to know your shepherd?
Nick: Nice Stories, reminds me of some jokes I found on the internet. God really does come out after his lost sheep, thanks Padre for helping me out. I was waling in the dessert for 2 week before I collapsed in front of your missionary door and you and your friars brought me back to health. I see you have a horse, Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"
Missionary: "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."
Nick: "Sure, OK."
(gets on horse)
Nick: "Thank God" (the horse starts walking) "Thank God, thank God, " (the horse starts trotting.) (Feeling Really Brave) "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" ( the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop.) "Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!" Oh I remember, "Amen!!" (The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Nick leans back in the saddle) "Thank God!"
WHOOPPS Back to our Cliff Hanger
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