UA MR CAS Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Friday Night 8:15 pm. The Present. Pattlewoddle Pond Massachusetts.
Untitled/Action/Mystery/Romantic/Comedy/Adventure/Story
A light flashed in a dark room. A cigarette was lit. A cigarette was smoked. A cigarette was taken away from a young man by a bouncer enforcing the "No Smoking" rule. He knew there would be no use arguing about it. He didn't want to get thrown out of the club again. He made his way for the door on his own. "Oh sorry," a man dressed in a flashy white coat said to him, as he accidentally bumped into him. He made his way out the door and onto the beach, where he stood like a tree. He was waiting for someone. Oh by the way the fellow's name was Jack, He was about five foot eight, had short black hair. He was wearing an Elvis tee, with an actual autograph on it. and had on black Corteros. Suddenly someone came behind him and flipped him over. "Oh Great", he said. I'm gonna get beat up. Jack had a habit of getting the Twinkies beat out of him. Probably because Jack was a rat, stool pigeon, fink, a real instigator of trouble for the many gangs that roamed around town. But to his delight it was his girl friend Sandy. Sandy was a little smaller than Jack was and had long brown hair. She wore a baseball hat. Jack still had that paranoid look on his face. It faded away as her lips pressed against his. After awhile thy stopped their smooching.
"I thought you would never get here," expressed Sandy.
"Neither did I" replied Jack. They made-out a little more.
"Well," said Sandy?
"Well what," replied Jack?
"Did you do it"?
"Did I do it? Oh yeah, yes I did. I'm out, finished gone, I never have to go back to the Killer Smurfs. Can we continue to kiss?".
"What did you do to get out"?"
"Well I used a little deception. They said I could never leave unless I could get the money back that the Cabbage Patch Kids from hell stole from us." Gangs around town wanted to be tough but refused to grow up from their nostalgic 80's childhood.
"So what did you do?"
"I gave them back the money, But get this. I stole it from them."
"Yeah"
"Well that's very interesting", came a voice from behind!
"SLASH SMURF"!!!!!!" Jack gasped. ! A bunch of people all dressed as Smurfs and carrying weapons came out. There was about fifteen of them. Sandy went over to Slash, where thy did the same thing she had done with Jack only much more intense.
"YOU set me up", cried Jack, with a grimace. He was grimacing more to the idea that her lips had touched Slash's and then his. Uggggg..
"No you set us up", said Slash as he hit Jack with his Numb Chucks. Slash sucked in a gasp of pride thinking how cool and martial artsy he felt, as he owned numb chucks. Someday he would take karate lessons. Jack went flying into the sand.
"I can explain", said Jack! In Jack's mind he tried to search for one of the many excuses that he had for all the gangs he had tricked, ticked off, and bamboozled lately. He began to think about what he had said to the Perennially Perky, Peppy, Pom-Pom Prancing Preppies after he had pulchritudinously portrayed them poorly in peace talks to the Pouty Post-Pubescent Privileged Princesses who then pombulled them promptly post-hastily at Peter Peterson's pizza & pasta party.
"Sure" said Slash! "I'll have you know that no one gets away from coning the Killer Smurfs.
"Eeee, how about Funnyman", said Stupid Sidekick Smurf. The numb chucks hit SSS and made him numb. "Lets Smurf him out Gang." Stereo Smurf turned on a radio. "Kill em with a bop. Mmmmm Kill em with a bop," screamed Marlon Hanson out of the speakers." Every time the Killer smurfs went to beat up someone they always played this song. In a scientific study it was proven that music helped gangs fight better. . They began to move towards Jack and raised their hands because they were sure he was gonna get a whopping. A huge amount of light suddenly came between the thugs and Jack. After the light went away, the bed popped up.
Jack, bruised from the numb chucks had a ton of fear flood every portion of his being. Jack had a bad case of Kosmikophobia: which is Fear of cosmic phenomenon. He said "what the Beans".... But stopped and then saw that the bed popping up was his chance to scram. The gang of Killer Smurfs just stood in amazement. The crew aboard the bed just looked at the gang.
Upset and anger that their prey got away and to the fact that their song was going to waste. Mike the Ax Smurf blurted out. "Get Them". They all charged at the bed. Flyer, without warning flew up, wrapped around Mike, who was in front of every one, swung him around and hurled him into the gang of Smurfs. Seeing that Mike was a big boy, all the members of the gang were knocked out. Sam flew over and pressed his beck into the stereo. He happen to shut off the tape and switch on the radio. Classical music started to seek out into the night air.
Sandy seemed to miss the blow and pulled out a knife. Indian Dog ran over and bit her in the leg and she fell to the ground, howling in pain. Everyone stood in silence.
"Well', exclaimed Raymond," that was easy. Just where the heck are we though"?
"It won't tell us but I believe that we are back on Earth in the present, in the USA at night some time on either the East or West cost," Pinky explained. No wait. Maybe even in the middle. Maybe another continent. Maybe we've shrunk. I don't remember Smurfs being that tall. In fact aren't they a cartoon? Who would dress up as Smurfs carrying weapons? I think were near some pond or some ..... gosh I really need a carrot break."
"Thank You", said Raymond sarcastically. " Can we air or sea travel"?
" I would say not. The bed's out of energy and the extra supply of energy pills are gone."
"Darmn Darmn!Frecken hahh! (elf swears) well have to do another high tech magic spell."
"Can't you watch your language. If our adventures are written down someday, do you want kids repeating your words," lectured Flyer.
"Ok. Gracho and I will go to the store and get the supplies that we need, Raymond replied ignoring Indian. "Pinky and the rest will stay and work on the bed and guard it. We'll have our communications beepers on so if... you know what they do," and they were off.
"What do we do with the punks and the wicked witch of the beach," questioned Indian Dog?
In five minute's the punks were lying a little ways under a dock at the beach all tied up. They didn't think it was proper to tie up a girl with a bunch of guys, so they tied her up separately. 'The Killer Smurfs' were just waking up at the time when they had just finished tying them up. Pinky began to check over every thing on the bed. All that really needed anything was that the Leaper had to be fixed, and the bed needed energy, and they were out of Jelly in the Jelly gun. Pinky fiddled with the Leaper for awhile. The Leaper is actually a very simple looking machine. It does not have that many parts. Most of the parts it does have are magical parts. They have to be sorted out the right way or it doesn't work. It is rather hard to describe all the details of it. In a word, the Leaper is nothing more than a tennis sneaker, size fifteen. Except it isn't hollow inside. And it weighed less than a piece of paper. Sam flew over.
"Baccck, bacck, did yaw notice that the rainbow crystal is all-colorless. Bacck can I have some of those crackers now"? Pinky looked dumbfounded. The entire problem was that a simple crystal was missing its color. They had passed about through 8 rainbows in the last 10 hours. Pinky began to hop up and down.
At this time Gracho and Raymond were getting back with their supplies. They had a couple bags of apples and five jars of jelly. There were no supermarkets in the area so they had to go to all the restaurants in the area. They found what they needed at 'Carl's Carmel Apple Place.' They had to steal it because the owner thought that they were a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic basket when they asked them for the jelly and the apples. It was not the fact that they asked to buy them, but wanting to pay for it with gold, which Karl thought was fake. They left the gold there because they were honest elves. They were walking by the Sneakers Dance Club when they noticed a girl coming up from the beach limping. About 30 seconds later they were all entangled in a wrestling match.
Two Minutes later a man with a flashy white coat kicked off Raymond and Gracho causing the apples to spill everywhere and the jars of jelly to break. He grabbed the girl and she started swooning all over him thanking him for saving her life.
"It would be nice to go somewhere where we weren't always shot at, attacked. Imprisoned, flogged, beaten, stoned, bed wrecked, and flung around like dirty laundry." Raymond complained.
" I'd horse whip that guy if I had a horse." Gracho added. "We've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
"I plan on making you into a villain sandwich and will spread a little common sense on the bread. but only in the next chapter.